i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
