So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
