I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize