i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
