omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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