We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
