I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
