You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
