Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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