so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Houston, we have a squirter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize