ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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