I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
