i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
