Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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