Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
