Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All the doctor said was why
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
