The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize