The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
