I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
