pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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