You work out of a Hotel?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
