So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up under a house in Key West
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
