at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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