i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
