I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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