I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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