If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize