jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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