oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
