Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
