but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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