Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
