I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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