Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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