You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
