its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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