I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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