Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I will pee on everything he values.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize