Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize