Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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