You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
