I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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