I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
