i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
