and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i barfeds in our rink
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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