my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
