i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
