the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
