I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
