I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
