he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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