I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Randomize
