i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
