whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
