just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
