I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
