dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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