there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
