You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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