Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
