never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
